Funny how…

“It’s funny how the girls you fall in love with never fancy you, it’s funny how the ones you don’t do” ~ Airhead

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Unrequited (adj): (of love, affection, etc) not returned

 

Now I did a whole blog on love recently (it’s here if you missed it). I don’t intend to dwell on all those details again, just the unrequited bit. Or, to be more accurate, having a crush.

Aren’t crushes ace? I love them. That daydream you can go into over someone’s voice, or smile, or eyes. Or, if you want to get a bit more personal, their body. Perfectly harmless, passes the time, you’d never do anything with them in a million years for real but nice to daydream about it. I have a very happily married friend who loves her husband very much but she find life goes by that little bit more nicely with just a bit of a crush on someone else. She would never cheat on him in a million years, it’s totally harmless fun.

Then you get into the territory of crushes that may or may not be reciprocated. Do I like him/her? Do they like me? Your phone goes & you jump & hope & grab it & check the screen. The flutter that goes through you if it is your crush making contact is amazing. Even if the text is the most banal “Hey, how’s you today?” type, it still leaves you grinning for hours. Yet we so rarely get crushes on the right people. The ability of people to fall for the wrong people is truly mind-blowing, and I include myself in that. It’s painful when they are just saying hello and you are pining from afar. Or, and I find this one worse, you are the subject of the crush and you’re not interested. Your phone goes, you know who it’s going to be and you just ignore it, cos you don’t want to reply but you don’t want them. It really is funny how…

Sometimes these things can go very horribly south. We can convince ourselves that the merest ‘hello’ or pleasant word is a sign that they’re the one and it’s meant to be. I’ve been guilty of phoning a guy a few more times than was wise in my youth. Thankfully these days I am older, wiser, and slightly more mindful of my dignity. But I still get those crushes, generally on all the wrong people. And occasionally on a right one.

I wrote this cos my phone beeped half an hour ago. I haven’t looked yet. Cos I’m the subject of a ‘funny how…’ bad crush. Yet it beeped again just now, different tone, and I’m smiling, even though I haven’t looked at that either, cos that’s someone I have a crush texting me. Hope it says more than “Hey, how’s you today?”

Tell me about your crushes, good or bad. You can keep it anonymous if you like. I promise I will never tell…

 

Princess

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One thought on “Funny how…

  1. True story!

    1991 – a girl comes to work at our place. She works in a different department to mine but we perhaps pass in the corridor 3 or 4 times a week. Whenever we pass, she smiles. Her smile is like a million fireworks going off at once. Her smile makes the sun come out, makes little bunnies pop out of the ground and skip amongst the daisies. It Disney-fies your world. Her smile is amazing. My return smile is as warm and inviting as I can make it but does not hold a candle to hers

    All we say, though, is “hello” and walk past each other.

    Eventually, I discover her name (I’ll call her Christine) and through the occasional bit of overheard gossip that she is single but has been seeing a lad regularly.

    2011 – we have both worked in the same place for twenty years. There are very few people left who have been there as long as us. I’m married now, and have two children. I have garnered along the way that she married the lad she was seeing, but they divorced about 10 years ago and she is now remarried. She has had two periods of maternity leave so I’m guessing she has two children. We still smile at each other when we pass in the corridor. Her smile is still the most amazing, life-enhancing, thing. Of course we’ve spoken over the years but not a lot. She is a very quiet person and has a reputation amongst her colleagues for being rather aloof.

    Xmas, 2011 – No Departmental Christmas parties this year as an economy drive. Several departments are organising their own. We go to a restaurant. Have discovered we’re sharing the place with another department – Christine’s department. A good time is had by all. After the meal, we go to a pub.

    I find myself stood next to Christine. She asks if she can ask me something.

    “Why have you never liked me?”

    I practically spit my beer across the pub. I ask her is she’s joking. I’ve had a few beers. I tell her too much. I tell her that she has been my secret crush for 20 years. I effuse about the radiance of her smile. She laughs. We talk. We laugh

    Later, she asks me to accompany her to the taxi rank. Just as she is about to get into the taxi, she turns round and gives me a gentle kiss on the lips. “We’ve wasted all those years”, she says.

    Feb 2012 – Now when we see each other, we stop and talk. Its a bit frightening. There is a chemistry between us that really should not be there – an intensity in the way we look each other in the eye when talking. I want to ask her out for a drink – just the two of us. I think she wants me to. That spells disaster. I have not done so …. yet!

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