“You’re so special. Oh so special.” ~ The Farm
Or, as defined by my dictionary
Special (adj): being a particular one; extraordinary; exceptional
I’ve written before about houses, homes, and the effect the state of a physical environment can have on well-being in a piece here. I was thinking on it recently as my place could do with a good spring clean. I thought about this then thought that I can’t be bothered. It will only get in a mess again and besides, there’s only me who will see it.
Then I stopped.
“Only me”? “Only me“? I’m the only me there is. How dare I be so dismissive of myself and my right to live in a nice flat. If you or you or you were coming round I’d clean and tidy in a heartbeat. So what makes you so special and me so not?
A very basic straw poll of my friends established that I was not alone in this train of thought. We make effort and allowances for others yet not ourselves. We wouldn’t dare to treat a friend in the way we treat ourselves. Anyone familiar with the concept of an inner bully will know that the things a person can think about themselves are so far removed from anything anyone would ever say to a passing acquaintance, never mind a close friend.
And we should treat ourselves as close friends. We are the only person we are guaranteed to spend the rest of our entire lives with, the only person we will wake up with every day, yet we often put ourselves so far down our list of priorities, if we even put ourselves on it at all.
So makes us think that we aren’t special? What makes us think we aren’t worth tidying and cleaning for, buying a nice dinner for, treating to a bunch of flowers or some such, just because? Is it lack of self-esteem? Is it fear that actually we aren’t special to others? If we make that effort for ourselves, is it saying ‘actually, I’m doing it for me cos I have no-one else to do it for’? Do we, somewhere deep down inside, feel that we are inadequate, that we are not worthy?
Whatever your reasons are, why ever you think you are not special; stop. Just stop. You are. Any effort, any allowance, any happiness you would make or wish for someone you care for is allowed and extended to you. You are the only you there ever will be and that is special beyond measure. You are special.