“When other friendships have been forgot, ours will still be hot” ~ Anything Goes

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Friendship (n): the state of being a friend; association as friends

In vino veritas. It means ‘in wine there is truth‘ and I’ve been pondering this recently after making a comment about a friendship after not really that much wine at all.

I’m not going to repeat what I said. For the purposes of this blog it isn’t relevant but the point that struck me is and it is this: what friendships matter, what do I put into them, what do I get out of them, and is it/are they worth it?

There are, of course, many different types of friendship, just as there are many different types of love. You can go through life with a whole host of casual acquaintances, the type of person you nod hello to in a shared office space or when out walking the dog. The exchanges may never become more than that but those friendly faces can help us through our days.

Some perhaps do progress beyond that. You walk your dogs together, you go for a drink after work. Somewhere there is a shift and this person becomes beyond an acquaintance. Not a friend you’d invite to your wedding, perhaps, but certainly someone who has become to matter. And, unless you are only friends with people you know from school and or/university, that is how a lot of friendships developed. It’s a natural and understandable progression, how else do you meet people? Oh yes, the internet. More specifically, social media. This piece in the Guardian sums up the nature of online friendships quite succinctly.

Here it is possible and generally likely to make a further whole host of casual acquaintances; the exchanges about 6Music and bacon become the online version of the nods exchanged whilst walking the dog. They are no less valid by the virtue of being online. In fact it could be argued that they are of more value, spending increasing amounts of time online means we need our friendly faces there too.

And it is also possible to make friends online, proper true friends; the kind that would hold your hand through tragedy and dance with you in your triumphs. And we all need friends like that. What price a whole host of casual acquaintances if there isn’t someone you wholeheartedly could rely on if your world falls apart at 3am?

Which takes me back to in vino veritas. I can think of several people who could call me at 3am and I would be there for them. But there are only two or three that I would call in return. (One of those died last year but that’s an entirely different blog about friendship). This isn’t an idictment on my friends, some of whom may absolutely know they would be there for me at 3am, irrespective of whether I may think I would call them or not. It’s about the curious quirks of thought within me as to what the differing natures of friendships are and and the ways in which they matter.

And they do all matter; I want my conversations about bacon and I want my hand holding. We all need both. But sometimes it’s important to not confuse the two

Interested in your thoughts, as always, so why not drop me a line on a comment box-shaped postcard.


2 thoughts on “Friendship?

  1. I’ve also been thinking a lot about friendships lately. This year I decided to let go of certain people who were toxic. I’m someone who easily calls someone a friend. I give my all in a friendship, just like in love, I don’t hold back. But when I’m done, I’m done.
    I guess just like you, there are only a few people who actually have my back.
    There’s someone I met last year. Who treated me pretty bad. Yet I still call him a friend. I’ve not yet figured out why I stuck around.

  2. Whatever you decide to do, don’t stick around because you think that is all you are worth.
    Try putting that friendship energy into yourself or others around you and see what happens. I bet there are more people who have your back than you think.

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