You got a friend in…you?

“You got a friend in me” ~ Randy Newman

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Friend (n): a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; The only person you are guaranteed to wake up with for the rest of your life is yourself. 

Isn’t that amazing?

One person who knows just how you like your tea in the morning, someone who will always share that last Rolo. Breakfast in bed just the way you like it, even if you do have only yourself to blame for the toast crumbs later.

And ok, you can’t give yourself a lie in whilst you make your tea, not even with a teasmaid as that still requires some arms-out-of-the-duvet action, but you can make it just how you want.

Having a friend, a friend who knows you well, who is on your side, that’s damn amazing.

But I’ll let you into a secret. The other night I slept appallingly badly. And, after waking at two and listening to old News Quiz episodes that were painfully pre-Brexit nostalgic then a whole Graham Greene adaptation and reminiscing about that time Hugo Speer kissed me, I still couldn’t sleep. Yet as I tried counting down from 3,000 (much more reliable than sheep – have you seen the trouble sheepdogs have rounding them up? Yet we are just supposed to count them orderly jumping over fences? I think not.) Anyway, I found myself listing every single physical attribute I disliked about myself from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I’m ashamed to say it was a very long list. Perhaps I should’ve counted those sheep after all.

I caught myself, just as I was starting on my personality traits that I don’t like. And whilst I didn’t have the mental wherewithal to counteract anything I’d said with a positive, I had enough about me to say stop. Stop, I won’t treat myself like this. I am better than this.

Because I am. Because we all are. Because we all need to be our own friend. And no friend needs or deserves a diatribe of dislikes ever but especially not in the middle of the night.

So think on it, for me if you can’t do it for yourself yet. Be your friend. If you can’t counteract the negatives with positives yet then try to not give the negatives the benefit of sunlight and oxygen. Save those for the good stuff in life.

Drop me a line on a comment box-shaped postcard and let me know how you get on.




A Friend On The Inside

Something inside so strong ~ Labi Siffre

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Inside (n): the inner or internal part; interior:


The only person you will always have in your life is yourself. That fact isn’t depressing, it’s wonderful. A whole person, always there for you; as being there for yourself, being your own friend, is amazing.

So when you put it like that it’s really baffling why we treat ourselves so badly. We have within ourselves an untapped wealth of strength and support, knowledge of our likes and dislikes, wants and needs, hopes and fears, all greater than anyone else could ever know. So what do we do with that internal treasure trove? We ignore it. We feed it crap and give it too much alcohol and tell it it’s useless/lazy/stupid/wrong/an idiot, and so on.

Imagine if one of your friends said any of those things to you, how would that make you feel? Pretty terrible, I think. But how do you feel when they tell you that you’re funny/brave/smart/brilliant. I know I feel on top of the world when a friend says something good to me.

Now imagine not saying all that negative stuff to yourself, imagine not treating yourself badly, imagine being your own friend instead; how much stronger, braver, more amazing could you be if you had that friendship inside?

I have always been described as a strong and confident person. I have prided myself on it. But inside I was often lost, confused, despondent, and desperately insecure. It took unpicking a lot of my internal constructs and beliefs, lowering my own walls, to truly find the strength that I have inside to be me; to find out what supports and sustains me, what nurtures me, what inspires me. Above all, how to be my own friend.

So now, when I have my dark moments, my 3 o’clock in the morning doubts and insecurities, I can feel this core strength of a friend inside saying “I’ve got you. I am here and I will support you.”

I can’t say what may work for you, what you may need to unpick or think about, but inside you is the person you will have with you forever; isn’t it time you made friends?

Drop me a line on a comment box-shaped postcard and let me know how you get on.