“Enough is enough is enough is enough” ~ Donna Summer
Or, as defined by my ditionry
Enough (adj): as much or as many as necessary
The revelation that came with the #MeToo hashtag depressingly didn’t shock me. Like almost every woman I know I have grown up with ‘casual’ sexual assault from strangers, from colleagues, within relationships.
What I didn’t understand was why I struggled so hard to take part. Why I couldn’t add my name to that list of that was for so many woman a massive show of solidarity and understanding that ‘no, it isn’t just you’. And so I read a lot of articles and tweets and blog posts, and I realised something quite horrific. That far from being ok and well adjusted to events in my past, I really hadn’t actually acknowledged the truth or processed something at all.
And that is that I was once in a relationship where I was raped, made pregnant without my consent, and abandoned after having an abortion.
The questions of why don’t victims speak up or why don’t they speak up sooner intertwine. It isn’t always easy to admit the truth of what has happened to you, never mind speak it to another. So you start diminishing it in your own head, you normalise it, you treat it like no big deal. It becomes like a stone in your shoe that you don’t remove for so long that you forget it isn’t normal to walk in discomfort.
But it is a big deal and, as the #MeToo campaign has shown, it is it also normal in the sense of happening to women in all walks of life, in all workplaces, all the time. And I have had enough of pretending to myself that it hadn’t happened to me. I’ve had enough of making jokes about having trust issues rather than fully accepting the reasons behind those issues.
I worked out earlier this year there are three things that I want for myself, primarily from myself, and they are Acceptance, Peace, and Love. Acceptance of who I am, all the good bits, bad bits, past events, future hopes; Love because I want to be able to love myself, to be able to love others, to be able to accept love; and Peace because I’ve been carrying all of this for too long and it is exhausting.
So I might be late to the hashtag but #MeToo.
Sites that may be of help to you if any of these issues are affecting you: