A Friend On The Inside

Something inside so strong ~ Labi Siffre

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Inside (n): the inner or internal part; interior:

 

The only person you will always have in your life is yourself. That fact isn’t depressing, it’s wonderful. A whole person, always there for you; as being there for yourself, being your own friend, is amazing.

So when you put it like that it’s really baffling why we treat ourselves so badly. We have within ourselves an untapped wealth of strength and support, knowledge of our likes and dislikes, wants and needs, hopes and fears, all greater than anyone else could ever know. So what do we do with that internal treasure trove? We ignore it. We feed it crap and give it too much alcohol and tell it it’s useless/lazy/stupid/wrong/an idiot, and so on.

Imagine if one of your friends said any of those things to you, how would that make you feel? Pretty terrible, I think. But how do you feel when they tell you that you’re funny/brave/smart/brilliant. I know I feel on top of the world when a friend says something good to me.

Now imagine not saying all that negative stuff to yourself, imagine not treating yourself badly, imagine being your own friend instead; how much stronger, braver, more amazing could you be if you had that friendship inside?

I have always been described as a strong and confident person. I have prided myself on it. But inside I was often lost, confused, despondent, and desperately insecure. It took unpicking a lot of my internal constructs and beliefs, lowering my own walls, to truly find the strength that I have inside to be me; to find out what supports and sustains me, what nurtures me, what inspires me. Above all, how to be my own friend.

So now, when I have my dark moments, my 3 o’clock in the morning doubts and insecurities, I can feel this core strength of a friend inside saying “I’ve got you. I am here and I will support you.”

I can’t say what may work for you, what you may need to unpick or think about, but inside you is the person you will have with you forever; isn’t it time you made friends?

Drop me a line on a comment box-shaped postcard and let me know how you get on.

 

Princess

 

 

 

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Walls

“Just another brick in the wall” ~ Pink Floyd

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Wall (n): a vertical structure made of stone, brick, or wood, used to enclose, divide, or support

 

What experiences do we miss out on because we have built a wall against vulnerability? What’s the worst thing that would happen if you took down a few bricks?

When we are born we don’t realise we are vulnerable as we have no concept of what it is to be vulnerable. But as we grow up, as we experience life, there are things that occur and they can hurt.

They may be physical things and so we learn not to repeat the experience. I was bruised on my forehead and nose often as a child for persistently refusing to believe that I had grown too tall to walk under the kitchen table.

Or they may be emotional experiences; people who say unkind things, people who break our hearts, people who leave us. We can’t build actually physical barriers to these, we can’t not interact on some level with other people, so we build emotional ones. Brick by brick, we build a buffer against the world to protect ourselves.

As we recover from hurts we might take a few bricks down. This leaves us more vulnerable and so, as is inevitable, we get hurt again and we add a few bricks back on. Sometimes we meet people along the way who we consider worth removing a few bricks for. And sometimes they are and they help us move a few more bricks. But sometimes they aren’t and we add a lot more bricks. But even with the really good ones we never remove them all.

But what really are we protecting ourselves from? Walls are designed to hold up structures, to protect us from predators, to create boundaries.

Maybe the structures we are holding up are necessary. Or have we hobbled ourselves under that low ceiling. Protection from predators is necessary but in keeping away the predators we also keep away the much more gentle creatures

What if your wall is so big it appears it can’t be scaled? How can anyone get to you? How can you connect with the world with all those bricks closing you off?

Think about your wall; how many bricks will you move today and in which direction?

 

Princess