You got a friend in…you?

“You got a friend in me” ~ Randy Newman

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Friend (n): a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; The only person you are guaranteed to wake up with for the rest of your life is yourself. 

Isn’t that amazing?

One person who knows just how you like your tea in the morning, someone who will always share that last Rolo. Breakfast in bed just the way you like it, even if you do have only yourself to blame for the toast crumbs later.

And ok, you can’t give yourself a lie in whilst you make your tea, not even with a teasmaid as that still requires some arms-out-of-the-duvet action, but you can make it just how you want.

Having a friend, a friend who knows you well, who is on your side, that’s damn amazing.

But I’ll let you into a secret. The other night I slept appallingly badly. And, after waking at two and listening to old News Quiz episodes that were painfully pre-Brexit nostalgic then a whole Graham Greene adaptation and reminiscing about that time Hugo Speer kissed me, I still couldn’t sleep. Yet as I tried counting down from 3,000 (much more reliable than sheep – have you seen the trouble sheepdogs have rounding them up? Yet we are just supposed to count them orderly jumping over fences? I think not.) Anyway, I found myself listing every single physical attribute I disliked about myself from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I’m ashamed to say it was a very long list. Perhaps I should’ve counted those sheep after all.

I caught myself, just as I was starting on my personality traits that I don’t like. And whilst I didn’t have the mental wherewithal to counteract anything I’d said with a positive, I had enough about me to say stop. Stop, I won’t treat myself like this. I am better than this.

Because I am. Because we all are. Because we all need to be our own friend. And no friend needs or deserves a diatribe of dislikes ever but especially not in the middle of the night.

So think on it, for me if you can’t do it for yourself yet. Be your friend. If you can’t counteract the negatives with positives yet then try to not give the negatives the benefit of sunlight and oxygen. Save those for the good stuff in life.

Drop me a line on a comment box-shaped postcard and let me know how you get on.


Princess

 

Dreams

“Dream a little dream of me” ~ The Beautiful South*

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Dream (n): an imagined series of events, an aspiration, goal, aim

 

I woke this morning with the feeling my dream was trying to tell me something and also a strong desire to contact my friend Kim to say hello and see how she was. As I tried to decipher the strands of my dream and work out what they meant, a message popped up from my phone from Kim. It was a message of love and appreciation and it felt to me like a sign that the skeins of thought from my dream needed to be untangled and shared. So here they are.

Give

Give to charity, invest in the Arts, send someone a card. Giving doesn’t have to be money; it can be time, it can be donating upwanted items, it can be assistance of a practical level. That’s not to say rush out of your door and volunteer or sign up to a direct debit for every charity that crosses your path, the vast majority of us are simply unable to do this. But many of us can find the time to give a friend a call and talk with them, maybe pass the time of day or listen if they feel they need to unburden themselves. Giving, be it of ourselves or in a more material way, can help us to think of others and, in turn, make us feel better about ourselves. And what part of society couldn’t use a little more of that?

Share

You are unique. No-on has your specific knowledge and skillset. No-one has your specific experiences. So why not share them? Why not tell people about them? If your passion is camponology or mountain safety then share what you know. If you are great at building websites why not contact the campanologists or mountaineers and see if they would like a website to help share their knowledge? I know things of privacy law, the making of cocktails, the lighting of movies; all because I know people who took the time to write things down or talk about them, and I was interested in finding out. Sometimes I wish I could stand in a library with my arms outstretched and have knowledge pour into me. But I can’t, not least because I’d probably be thrown out. But I can absorb what others tell me. And, in turn, share my knowledge, my passions, with others. We all have so much, in so many ways, so let’s spread it around.

Respect

If you don’t like someone that’s fine. If you don’t like an opinion that’s fine too. But to insult, deride, make personal remarks, that’s less fine. It’s disrespectful to the person, the situation, and also to you. Better to walk away than engage in unpleasant mud-slinging. Consider your environment; respect the space by using a bin and not spitting on the floor. Give your seat to another on the tube if they look like they need it more, not because chivalry or age, just because it is the decent, respectful thing to do. In short, do unto others as you would done by. If you don’t want to be sworn at or about, hurt, abused or ignored, then don’t do those things to others. And don’t stand for them being done to you, by others or in your own head. You are worth more than that.

Don’t sell yourself short

I’ll say it again: you are unique. Why should you hide your light under a bushel? Unless, of course, you are creating an art installation, in which case carry on, my bushel-lighting friend. You have a voice that should not be silenced because you believe you don’t know enough or because X is better. X is great at being X. But you are perfect at being you. No-one else can do that. So let the light that is you shine out in the world.

 

This was the message in my dream. I’m giving it to you to read, sharing it as food for thought, and respecting myself enough to say that I have a voice and I wanted this to be heard.

Interested in your thoughts, as always.

 

Princess

 

 

*many versions of this song have been recorded, I’m going with the one in my head

Here’s To You Happiness

“I feel myself falling, I’m feeling happy now” ~ Take That

Or, as defined by my dictionary:

Happy (adj): feeling or expressing joy, causing joy or gladness, fortunate or lucky

 

I feel happy; happy in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. So here’s to all of you who helped get me here.

 

Happiness is:

Peace of mind

Good music

People who make you laugh

People who know what to do when you cry

Learning new things; about the world, about others, about yourself

Appreciating the beauty in life

A good pair of boots

Words; writing them, reading them, saying them

Laughter

Dancing

Being lucky

Friends

Understanding, knowing, and never doubting your own quality

Hope you’ve all got happiness in your life. If not, borrow some of mine. I have plenty to go around.

 

Princess

Pondering Happiness

“I feel myself falling, I’m feeling happy now” ~ Take That

Or, as defined by my dictionary:

Happy (adj): feeling or expressing joy, causing joy or gladness, fortunate or lucky

 

I haven’t done one of these recently. But as Summer slides into Autumn I am pondering over the things I want most in my life for continued happiness

 

Happiness is:

People who make me laugh

A decent fried egg and mushroom sandwich

A wide and varied social circle

Kindness

Tea. In a mug. Preferably one with a 70’s cartoon character on it

The satisfaction of a job well done

A good book

Friends; close, far, like-minded, utterly different, mad, bad, and wonderful to know

Banter

Appreciation

My family

The night sky

Always being able to find something to smile about

 

Count your blessings and let me know, there may be more out there than you think.

 

Princess

Oh so special

“You’re so special. Oh so special.” ~ The Farm

Or, as defined by my dictionary

Special (adj): being a particular one; extraordinary; exceptional

 

I’ve written before about houses, homes, and the effect the state of a physical environment can have on well-being in a piece here. I was thinking on it recently as my place could do with a good spring clean. I thought about this then thought that I can’t be bothered. It will only get in a mess again and besides, there’s only me who will see it.

Then I stopped.

“Only me”? “Only me“? I’m the only me there is. How dare I be so dismissive of myself and my right to live in a nice flat. If you or you or you were coming round I’d clean and tidy in a heartbeat. So what makes you so special and me so not?

A very basic straw poll of my friends established that I was not alone in this train of thought. We make effort and allowances for others yet not ourselves. We wouldn’t dare to treat a friend in the way we treat ourselves. Anyone familiar with the concept of an inner bully will know that the things a person can think about themselves are so far removed from anything anyone would ever say to a passing acquaintance, never mind a close friend.

And we should treat ourselves as close friends. We are the only person we are guaranteed to spend the rest of our entire lives with, the only person we will wake up with every day, yet we often put ourselves so far down our list of priorities, if we even put ourselves on it at all.

So makes us think that we aren’t special? What makes us think we aren’t worth tidying and cleaning for, buying a nice dinner for, treating to a bunch of flowers or some such, just because? Is it lack of self-esteem? Is it fear that actually we aren’t special to others? If we make that effort for ourselves, is it saying ‘actually, I’m doing it for me cos I have no-one else to do it for’? Do we, somewhere deep down inside, feel that we are inadequate, that we are not worthy?

Whatever your reasons are, why ever you think you are not special; stop. Just stop. You are. Any effort, any allowance, any happiness you would make or wish for someone you care for is allowed and extended to you. You are the only you there ever will be and that is special beyond measure. You are special.

 

Princess